Do you set boundaries? Boundaries are becoming a more and more popular topic of conversation and are an important part of your overall health and wellness. When it comes to making healthy lifestyle changes boundaries are sometimes a forgotten part of the process. As we are only a couple of weeks into the new year I thought we could take the opportunity to talk a little bit about boundaries including what they are and how they can help your health and wellness.
Like many people there was a time in my early 20’s when I had very few boundaries in place to protect my health and wellness. I worked 60+ hours a week during the summer months and saying no was something that wasn’t in my vocabulary. Friends wanted to hang out, done. Someone needed a shift covered, no problem. The very first summer I worked two jobs there was a stretch were I worked over 20 days in a row without a day off. I was young, it was summer and making money was important, but I was burning out and fast. At the end of the summer I had put a large amount of savings away and that was great, but putting in 70+ hours a week of work was not a sustainable situation. I also remember a situation where I drove an hour out of town to go out with friends on a Thursday night (I worked Mon-Fri at 8:00am). Don’t get me wrong social activities are important, but that probably should have been a boundary I set given that sleep is an important part of health and wellness. As I ventured further into my University career I learned some better boundaries. I stayed on working my part time job through the school year, but balanced that with my social life by working no more than every other weekend. The following summer I returned to both jobs under the condition that I wasn’t working my part time job on Sundays. Boundaries…my first taste of boundaries…although at the time I didn’t really realize that was what I was doing.
Over the years, I have learned how to set boundaries that protect my health and wellness…it takes some time (especially if you are a people pleaser), but it has to be one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned in order to look after myself.
To start let’s look at what a boundary is. Boundaries are rules or limits we put in place to keep us in a mentally and physically healthy space. Boundaries can be psychological, emotional or physical. They help us maintain good mental and emotional health and help us avoid overwork and burnout. Boundaries are an important component of self-care.
So we know that boundaries are important, but so many of us struggle to set them. If you are struggling to set boundaries you may be a people pleaser and you probably don’t like to say no…but this can become a slippery slope. By failing to set boundaries we create expectations…and often expectations that we don’t want to or mean to set. Once these expectations are in place it can be tougher to back track and enforce these boundaries after the fact (not impossible, but more difficult). All this to say that setting boundaries in the first place is an important way for your to protect your health…
But how…
Often we don’t want to say no because we believe it’s selfish or rude…but I’m about to let you in on the one thing that changed my way of thinking about everything in my life…it is okay to be selfish. Yes, that’s right…it’s okay to be selfish…in fact, it’s healthy for you to be selfish. Generally the word selfish has a negative meaning…and although I realize that in certain situations it will still hold a negative meaning there is nothing wrong with protecting your time and energy by putting boundaries in place…not a damn thing!
“It is okay to be selfish”
So how do you set boundaries. Well for starters you have to figure out what boundaries are going to protect your health. Your boundaries will look different than mine but you need to figure out what is going to work for you. Once you have figured out what those boundaries are…you need to tell people about them. Believe it or not, talking about your boundaries is a part of setting boundaries. As frustrating as it can be when someone doesn’t respect our boundaries, when incidents like this happen it’s important to step back and make sure that the person knew the boundary existed. Because at the end of the day, people can’t respect something they don’t know about. It’s also important to know that your boundaries can be flexible and can change over time. A certain boundary may work for a period of time, but a shift in your life may lead to a shift in that boundary as well. If something isn’t helping you anymore don’t be afraid to adjust it or even get rid of it all together. Nothing is life is stuck forever!
Not sure where to start when it comes to setting boundaries. Try considering some of the following areas;
- Personal space
- Privacy
- Finances
- Time
- Relationships
- Possessions
- Work
- Technology
- Social Media
- …and more
At first setting boundaries can be a bit uncomfortable, but with a bit of practice you will begin setting boundaries with ease and you will improve your relationships with the people around you while also improving your relationship with yourself.
ashleepedlowcoaching.ca 